The Girl Who Lived
by Zephyras
Summary: When Lily Evans wakes up, she thinks the fight between the Voldemort and the Light is over. How wrong she is. Suddenly, she finds herself thrown into a world of Horcruxes, Dark Magic, and...love? Sequel to To Protect Them All. AU, Lily/James.
1. On the Threshold of Creation

_She couldn't dodge. Her legs wouldn't move. She was so tired and for some reason…_

_Everything was frozen except the green light moving closer and closer towards her. It was surreal, she had seen so much, fought so many, been close to death so many times, but for some reason this green light coming towards her scared her the most. _

_She had been stabbed so close to the heart, through the stomach, had her head bashed into walls so many times that it was a wonder she didn't have brain damage-_

_-or maybe she did-_

-had her jaw, broken, and had her back cut to pieces. So why? Why did this scare her so much? Was she really that afraid of Death? Was she really no better than Voldemort and his Death Eater and every other wizard or witch that had coveted immortality?

"_Is this it? Will I just die like this? But no… I can't die. I have too much unfinished work. I can't, I have to at least say thank you.! They need me. For the first time in my life, someone needs me and wants me. I can't leave now! I don't want to die now, it would be too sad and horrible, to leave when I'm finally happy. Why is this happening? I have to say thank you. Even when I didn't deserve it…I was wanted. Someone cares about me! I don't want to leave; I don't want to make them sad. Please give me another chance. I'll do better this time. I promise! I need to say thank you, so please don't let me die!"_

_She was alone suddenly, in Muggle London it seemed. She was in a worn-down park, with graffiti the playground equipment and the swings twisted. Cigarettes smoldered on the concrete and there were broken beer bottles at the end of each slide. This had been her life. She had been thrown away like a cigarette butt and left in this urban hell to survive. And survive she had. She had spent about twelve years as a street kid, and had never had a friend since those two months of first grade before her parents died. Lily moved and sat down on the only bench that didn't have gum all over it. She must be dead, she thought. And this was her hell._

_Suddenly she saw James. He was walking slowly across the woodchips towards her. He was smiling._

_She stared at him. What was he doing here? Had he died as well? And if so, why was he in her hell?_

_He came to stand right in front of her, still smiling. _

_How could he smile like that, Lily wondered _

"_Lily," he said. _

_Just Lily; just her name. He reached out his hand and …she took it._

_He pulled her off the bench and they were very close all of the sudden. Lily wondered if she had ever been so close to someone._

"_C'mon," he said, "Let's go."_

_And Lily couldn't stand it. She leaned in and kisse- _

_The beam of light hit her forehead. Then, with the same force, it bounced off and hit its caster. There was a huge explosion. The entire back wall burst into flame and imploded. There was a horrible high-pitched scream and then complete silence. _

_And Lily Evans fell to the ground; a deep cut in the shape of a lightning bolt etched upon her forehead._

The Girl Who Lived-

Chapter One-

Lily's P.O.V.

Lily gasped and sat straight up in bed, immediately regretting it as pain shot up her back. She looked around the strange white room, searching for a clue as to where she was. After she found none, she tried to get up, but her legs felt like lead. She looked down and saw an IV in her wrist.

"_A hospital?" _she thought, still trying to move her legs.

"Hello," she called, wincing at how hoarse her voice sounded, "Is anyone there?"

A woman in what Lily recognized as a healer's uniform bustled over to her, "Oh Merlin! Don't move, Ms. Evans! Your injuries aren't totally healed yet!"

"What happened?" she gasped, after the healer had tucked her securely under the bed sheets, _"Oh God, if anyone died, it's all my fault! Please let them be alive. James-"_

Suddenly she froze, "Wait a second," she said slowly, more to herself than the healer, "I got hit by the Killing Curse. Why aren't I dead?"

"But that's just it," the healer said, and as Lily looked closer, she realized how young she was, "You didn't die and You-Know-Who did! You're a hero, Ms. Evans."

"Call me Lily," she said automatically. She did a double take, "Wait-what?"

"You're a hero," said the healer excitedly, "The whole Wizarding World is celebrating the downfall of You-Know-Who!"

Lily gaped at her, _"Voldemort's…dead?"_

The healer, noticing her confused expression, handed her a paper, apparently too excited for words. Lily picked up the paper and began to read.

**You-Know-Who is dead; Wizarding World rejoices**

On June 8th, You-Know-Who's forces breached the seemingly impenetrable walls of Hogwarts and launched a full scale attack on the unsuspecting students and teachers. Albus Dumbledore, Hogwarts Headmaster, was not at the castle when the attack happened. This horrible situation made it almost impossible to even wish that any of the students would come out alive. However, all hope was not lost, because Lily Evans, the same girl who defended Hogsmeade from Death Eater attacks in October, and her classmates fought bravely against the Death Eaters. We have received countless owls from students and parents alike, telling stories of Death Eaters cornering helpless students in their classrooms and of Lily Evans and many other seventh years coming to the rescue. Evans and her friends went from classroom to classroom fighting off Death Eaters. Even when Aurors arrived, she refused to back down. In the end, she met the most evil wizard himself and matched his powers equally. But many hours of fighting had taken its toll on our heroine and she found herself unable to move as You-Know-Who threw a Killing Curse at her. Witnesses say that the curse connected with her forehead and then bounced off onto You-Know-Who. He disappeared into dust; and Aurors found no trace of him and have declared him dead. Evans was taken to a special ward in St. Mungo's, getting some well deserved rest. Healers told members of the press that she should be waking up soon and assured them that the injuries she sustained were not fatal or terminal.

There have been parties all over Great Britain, celebrating the death of this evil wizard, each toasting to Lily Evans, The Girl Who Lived. Experts say th-

Lily stopped there, her eyes wide as she stared at the white wall in front of her. 'The Girl Who Lived?' What the hell was going on? What had happened to her friends. To James?

The healer grinned and handed her another paper, the title reading "Wizarding World celebrates Girl Who Lived's Victory." She stared at it in disbelief.

"Wha-Wha…" she couldn't form the words.

She mental shook herself, **"Figure out what's going on, don't just sit there!!"**

"Where are they?" she said.

The healer looked slightly confused, "My friends…umm…James Potter, Sirius Black…"

The healer held up her hand, "Oh, your four friends, will be here shortly. I just Flooed them."

Lily blinked, when did she have enough time for that? And then it hit her.

_They were alive._

"What day is it?" she asked desperately, rubbing away patches of water that had sprung suddenly from her eyes, "How long have I been out?"

"Almost two weeks," the young nurse informed her, "Your friends were very worried, especially the messy haired one." She winked at her suggestively. Lily felt her face flush.

"_Wha-What am I so embarrassed about?"_ she thought as she looked away. All further thoughts were driven from her mind as she heard voices approach her door.

"Prongs, calm down! You've seen her everyday, for two weeks. She's fine."

"Bu-but what if she doesn't remember me-uh, I mean us. She could have amnesia or something," James' slightly hysterical voice floated through the door.

"James, Sirius is right," came Remus Lupin's voice, "She's fine, stop freaking out!"

"You don't know that!" James half-wailed.

"James, this is not a soap opera," came Peter's slightly annoyed voice, "People don't just randomly lose their memories."

"Oh."

There was a pause.

"Good point, Wormtail."

As they came closer to the door, Lily suddenly felt self-conscious. She was covered in bandages and wasn't wearing a shirt. The bandages covered her torso completely, but Lily still felt slightly embarrassed. Her four friends walked in nervously.

"You're awake! See, I told you so," exclaimed Sirius triumphantly.

"Hey," said James quietly, "You okay?"

She brushed back her long hair nervously, "Yeah…um… I…" she trailed off.

"Well, this is awkward," said Sirius, looking from Lily to James.

Lily and James both glared at him. He smirked.

"Just saying."

Lily would have rolled her eyes, but suddenly she felt so tired.

"What happened?" she asked quietly, "I saw the newspapers, but…"

They looked uncomfortable. Finally James spoke up.

"They're actually telling the truth," he said, "Er…I don't know if you remember, but Voldemort shot the Killing Curse at you and well…you didn't die. 'The Girl Who Lived'"

Lily looked away, "Yeah, I saw. Ridiculous, isn't it," she laughed nervously, "I mean, I'm overage…" she trailed off again, not knowing quite what to say.

Remus sighed, "Well, if you two aren't going to talk, then I'll tell Lily some new information Dumbledore found."

Lily looked up, "New information? About what?"

"Dumbledore figured out how the Death Eaters got into Hogwarts."

Lily blinked. She had never really thought of how they got in, just that they were there.

"Have you heard of the Chamber of Secrets?"

Lily nodded, "Isn't that just a legend, though?"

Remus shook his head, "No. Apparently, Voldemort knew about it and he used it to get into the castle. It reaches outside of the grounds, so he had an easy time getting in."

"Did Dumbledore seal it up?" asked Lily, knowing the answer.

"Yeah," said Remus, looking uncomfortable, "Look, Lily, do you know what happened, because Dumbledore has no clue why you aren't…you know…dead."

"I was hoping to ask him," said Lily, angrily, "Dammit, what's going on!"

Seeing their shocked faces, "I mean…, I'm not complaining that I'm not dead…, but," she rested her head in her hands, "I just wish I knew what was going on."

She knew that they were all staring at her, she had never shown so much emotion in front of them. Well, except James.

She raised her head, "Voldemort…the papers said…he's…"

"Dead? Dumbledore doesn't think so," said Sirius wearily, "He said he's probably injured and in hiding."

"Yeah," she said softly, "I knew it was too good to be true."

She was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she didn't notice the door opening once again.

"Hello, Ms. Evans. I'm glad to see that you're finally awake."

She sat straight up in shock, wincing as pain once again cut across her back.

"_Why is it always my back?" _she wondered, before realizing that Dumbledore was before her.

"Pr-Professor Dumbledore!!"

"Ms. Evans," he nodded, acknowledging her, "How are you feeling?"

Lily struggled to gain her composure back before answering, "Er…fine, sir. Umm…about what happened two weeks ago…"

Dumbledore turned to her four friends, "Will you please wait outside?" he said softly, "I have something very important to tell Ms. Evans."

"Hey, wait, Lily is our friend, too. I think we deserve to know what's going on," said Sirius angrily.

"It is up to Ms. Evans whether she wants to tell you," said Dumbledore sternly, "I want to give her the choice."

He sighed when they didn't move.

"Please, boys. It is rather personal."

Sirius's determination wavered and then James sighed.

"Come on, guys," said Peter, "Let's wait outside."

As soon as they left, Dumbledore quickly cast a Silencing Charm around the room. Lily raised her eyebrows, but said nothing.

"What I am about to tell, you, Ms. Evans, is something I should have told you a long time ago." Suddenly he looked very old and tired. Lily fidgeted nervously. What was going on?

"I hope," he continued, "that you will forgive this old man's mistake. I wasn't quite certain whether you were the one. But now that I look back, it is obvious. All the signs point to you."

"Wait," she said, "So he's really not dead, then."

Dumbledore nodded and Lily felt the hair rise on the back of her neck.

"_What's going on!"_

Lily furrowed her eyebrows in confusion, as Dumbledore pulled out a small box from his pocket. With a tap of his wand the box, which really wasn't a box at all, grew larger until Lily recognized it as a Pensieve. She started at it. Was he going to show her a memory?

"Now Ms. Evans this might seem a bit-"

She cut him off, "Professor, I'm ready," she said. Then not wanting to sound rude, "Just please show me whatever you need to."

He nodded, "A Prophecy was made very recently, by the great-great granddaughter of Cassandra Trelawney. Involving a certain person who would destroy a Dark Lord."

Lily froze. She felt as if time had stopped still.

"-me," she whispered, "You mean…me."

"**Get a grip on yourself!" **said the voice,** "Calm down and figure out what's going on!"**

She forced herself to look back at Dumbledore. He tapped the liquid with his wand, and a figure appeared. It was a young woman, with huge green glasses, that couldn't have been more than eighteen or nineteen.

In a harsh voice, she spoke the words that changed Lily's life forever.

"She will come… The one with the power to destroy the Dark Lord forever…The one who has known no love shall use it against him…She will be forever marked by The Dark Lord…Neither will live while the other endures…She comes with hate and love joined together…She will come like the sun rises… she will come…The one with the power equally Dark but also Light will come…Hidden behind a mask…she will come…to destroy the Dark Lord…She is…coming…"

Lily stared at the figure her mouth slightly open.

"**You knew this would come," **said the voice, **"You always knew, didn't you?"**

"_I did, I suppose I did know it," _she thought, still in shock

"Now I ask you, Lily Evans," said Dumbledore, shaking Lily out of her reverie, "Will you fight this war against this self-styled Dark Lord?"

"I suppose I always knew, didn't I?" she said slowly, "How did it go… 'Love and hate joined together.' Well, I have the hate at least."

"What?" said Dumbledore, looking slightly perturbed.

"I hate Voldemort," she said simply, "Even before I met him, I just," she paused trying to find the right words, "I can't explain it…I just hate him…I hated him ever since I first heard of him."

She did not elaborate on why. She looked into the old, wise eyes of Albus Dumbledore, "I will fight," she said, softly, "I couldn't back out now, even if I wanted to."

"Very well, Miss Evans," said Dumbledore, all the weakness gone, "Very well."

**A/N: Yay! Chapter One! Exciting! And sorry about the lame prophecy…as you can see, it's not really my strong suit. Next chapter will have a more info and hopefully, I'll get it out shortly. Please review! And thank my awesome beta swtaznhottiechik! **


	2. If it Looks Like a Duck

Chapter Two-

Even though Dumbledore and her friends visited every day, Lily was bored. It had been a week since she had awoken and she was thoroughly sick of sitting in bed all day. And all the fan mail didn't help. Yes, that's right,_ fan mail_**. **

At first Lily had been rather amused when her excited Healer, came in carrying an enormous amount of letters and packages. Then, she was a bit touched as she read the first few cards thanking her for defeating Voldemort and making the Wizarding World safe again. Then being the operative word.

After a week of being bombarded by Howlers, love potions, and signed photographs, Lily had had enough. However, when she asked for any mail not to be delivered and preferably burned, her Healer had been shocked and in order to calm her down Lily reluctantly agreed to continue to receive mail.

After getting over the shock that she was destined to kill Voldemort or die trying, Lily had asked Dumbledore why she hadn't died. He had admitted that he didn't know and was still looking into it and that he should have an explanation soon.

Meanwhile, Lily amused herself by reading books that her friends brought her. At first she was worried that they were going to bring her books that she had already read, because she had read practically the entire Hogwarts Library including the Restricted Section. But she was pleasantly surprised when they made sure that they got her rare books that were from James' families' private library. Many of them were very old and were surely only held together by magic. She was sure that the Black's private library had interesting books as well, but refrained from saying this out loud for obvious reasons.

When she had asked them why they had made sure to get her rare books, Peter had told her bluntly: "Lily, you practically lived in the library until seventh year and the Hogwarts Library has a lot of books."

She was reading one of said books when Dumbledore came in. She frowned slightly and turned to look at the clock. Usually he and the rest of her friends visited at about two in the afternoon and it was eleven o'clock now.

"Hello, Lily," he said, eyes twinkling, "I know this is an odd hour for me to come, but I thought you'd like to know that I have figured out why Voldemort's Killing Curse did not take your life."

Now Lily was paying attention with all her strength.

"You have?" she asked, "Really?"

"Indeed, Lily. However, I hope you don't mind if I ask a few questions first. It will make it easier for you to understand."

She was slightly insulted at the fact that he thought that she couldn't understand something if he just explained it to her normally. But she decided to let it go, in favor of not starting an argument. He seated himself in a chair beside her beside and cast Silencing Charms, for the second time, around the room.

"Lily, do you know what the strongest form of magic is?"

She blinked, slightly confused, and ran her finger over the lightening bolt scar on her forehead. She was aware that there were branches of magic stronger than others, but it had never crossed her mind that there was an absolute strongest.

"No, professor," she said politely.

He sighed, "Alright, Lily, what were you thinking right before you got hit by the Killing Curse?"

She paused, trying to remember. It seemed so long ago.

"I remember… thinking that I…I didn't want to die," she said slowly, struggling to put her thoughts into words, "And I thought about…my friends…and…how I hadn't… had the…the chance to thank them and that …that I didn't want to die until I did."

She looked to Dumbledore who was eyeing her carefully.

"Maybe I should rephrase my question. Did you think of one person in particular?"

His question triggered the last of her memories and she unwillingly turned bright red.

"Well…I thought of James…I'm probably closest to him," she mumbled quietly, looking anywhere but her former professor's face.

"Have you ever been in love, Lily?"

She started and stared at him, her face still slightly flushed.

"Professor, I am eighteen years old," she said, with an awkward smile.

He raised an eyebrow.

"Of course not," she amended, "And what does this have to do with Voldemort?"

"Everything," he said quietly, "Lily, if you don't mind me saying so, I believe you are in love with Mr. Potter."

She stared at him, only half aware that her jaw had dropped. Her, in love? Hell, she didn't even believe in the concept of love. What Dumbledore was suggesting was absolutely ridiculous. Love was for hopeless romantics that had no sense of the real world. People, like her, realists, knew that there was no such thing as love. There was only the human instinct to find a mate and produce offspring.

"Professor Dumbledore," she said softly, "You're joking, right?"

"The strongest form of magic in this world is love," he said, disregarding her question completely, "The only way you could have countered the Killing Curse, which is supposedly impossible to block, would be with love. However naïve that may sound." He said with a smile.

"So you're saying," said Lily incredulously, "That because I 'love' James and I was thinking about him, I defeated Voldemort?"

"Remember the prophecy, Lily."

She thought back to those words.

"You mean the part about hate and love joined together part? Professor, you can't be serious?" she said almost pleadingly.

"Why not?" he replied patiently, "If there is hate in this world, why not love as well?"

"Well, maybe that's true," she said quickly, "But I assure you that I am not in love with Ja…anyone."

He looked at her carefully, "Think it over," he said finally, "I imagine you will find you are mistaken."

"But that doesn't make sense!" she cried, "If people just thought of people they loved as they got hit by the Killing Curse, then I wouldn't be the _only _one who has ever survived it!"

"That is a valid point," Dumbledore said, "Cases like these, however, have cropped up in history before."

Lily frowned, "I've never heard of any one surviving Avada Kedavra before…"

Dumbledore smiled gently, "Yes, your's is a feat unprecedented. However, other spells have been rendered useless by a person's love for one another. For example, there was a case recorded in France, involving a thief. He broke into a home, not knowing that it was occupied. The owner of the house attempted to defend her property and the thief tried to stupefy her, but her husband jumped in the spells way. He was rendered unconscious, but when the thief turned his wand on the woman, not only did his spell did not work, but it backfired."

"But that's…that's sacrificial…" she said, mind racing. The subtleties of magic were very complex, she knew, "No one jumped in front of me, Professor."

"That _is_ odd, isn't it?" Dumbledore said, scratching him chin.

"The how can you think it's…that?"

"It is a strange case, no doubt about it. However, all the signs fit. How else could it have happened?"

"Well, he could have…" Lily bit her lip in concentration, "Maybe he had run out of energy when he cast the spell And this scar," she gestured to her forehead, "is merely a byproduct?"

Dumbledore raised a white eyebrow, "Lord Voldemort running out of energy in the middle of a fight is _highly _unlikely."

"What's more unlikely?" she asked, aware that she was being incredibly rude.

He sighed, "I apologize if I have offended you, but, if I may remind you, you did ask me to find a reason why you hadn't died."

"I'm sorry," she mumbled, "It just doesn't seem to make sense to me."

Dumbledore looked down at her kindly, "You're used to more concrete branches of magic. Don't think for one second that this is an easy concept to understand. Though I have studied this particular branch of magic for many years, I would never _dream_ of claiming that I understood it perfectly."

"I'm not in love with anyone, though," she said softly, looking into his light blue eyes, "I've never been…_interested _in relationships anyway."

"This may sound very strange coming from me, Ms. Evans," Dumbledore started, "But it's true when they say you really can't help who you fall for."

"Oh, I give up!" Lily said, throwing her hands up, "I suppose it doesn't matter how I survived anyway."

"That's the spirit!" Dumbledore said jovially.

"I'm not saying I believe you, you know," she said, narrowing her eyes.

He laughed, "Well, then, I suppose I could say that that doesn't matter either. However," he said, blue eyes twinkling, "why don't you think it over. You might surprise yourself and discover something you hadn't suspected."

With those cryptic words, he left her staring at the swinging door.

"_Think it over? What am I supposed to think about? What James is to me? He's a friend of course!"_

"**A very good friend."**

"_Exactly! He's a very, very, very…good…"_

"**Well, well, look what we have here. It seems the old man is correct."**

"_What?"_

"**Don't lie to yourself. You know as well as I do that you're become more attached to that boy more than anyone else."**

"_W-Wait! What are you saying! That I'm really in…"_

"**In love?"**

"…"

"**You're in denial, Evans."**

"_What are you talking about I'm really not…in"_

"**You can't even say it, can you?"**

"…_I'm not…I…"_

"**Well, now that we've established that your in love with him, how are you going to get him?"**

"…_what…?"_

"**Still in denial?" **

"…_what…I'm…what?"_

"**Think it over, Evans, think it over."**

Unfortunately, Lily did not get enough to figure out what the hell was wrong with her, because then her friends walked in.

"_Exactly the person I _didn't_ need to see right now. And why is everyone here early today?"_

"Hey Lily! How's it going?" James asked her.

She avoided eye contact, focusing on his eyebrow instead.

"Fine," she said smiling gently and trying to think about something they could talk about to distract her from her previous thoughts.

"Er… I was wondering. What about our exam for DADA, are we going to have to take it sometime before we graduate?"

They all stared at her.

"What?"

"Well, we already took it," Remus said slowly, "And, well, they decided that you passed."

"Huh?" Lily said intelligently, "Why?"

All four of them exchanged a look, "Uh…Lily, you kind of defeated Voldemort and so they kind of thought that you didn't need to take it…"

"Oh. How was it?" she said desperately, trying to keep the conversation going.

"…Okay, I guess," said Sirius, looking at her like she was crazy, "Are you okay, Lily? You're acting really strangely today."

"No, I'm fine," she said untruthfully, inwardly cursing Dumbledore, "Any news on Voldemort?"

"Well, the Aurors are all looking for him and his Death Eaters, but they haven't been very successful."

"Typical Ministry," she muttered, glad for the distraction.

"Yeah, they've been making all these statements about standing with 'The Girl Who Lived,' said Peter, rolling his eyes, "We think their trying to make you into some sort of mascot."

"Oh, joy," Lily said sarcastically, breaking her 'I'm fine, really' act, "Just what I need."

They all stared at her.

"Lily, you sure your okay?" said James worriedly, making her flush, "You don't look so well."

"Err…no, I'm fine, really," she said, giving them a fake smile.

"_Bollocks, they don't look convinced."_

James put his hand to her forehead, "Well, you don't have a fever," he said, "But you do look really hot."

Lily was sure that her face was even redder than her hair at this point.

"_Calm down, dammit! Get a hold of yourself!"_

She was saved from saying anything that she would regret when her Healer walked in with her lunch.

"Oh, hello, boys!" she said coquettishly, winking at James and Sirius

Over the week that she had been here Lily had noticed that the woman seemed particularly _friendly_ in regard Sirius and occasionally James. Pretty much every time they came, she would flirt with one of them. Although she had confided to Lily that they were a bit too young for her to actually be interested, Lily had always felt that it was annoying and was very relived that James had no interest in the young woman. After all, he deserved someone better.

It wasn't until today, that she realized _why_ she was so annoyed. She felt like banging her head against the wall for being so dense. How could she have not noticed it before? Was she really that stupid that someone had to spell it out to her?

Wait, if even _Dumbledore_ knew, then did the rest of them know? Did everyone know and just pretended they didn't to placate her?

"Lily?"

Well, one thing was for certain. James would _never _like her, so there was no point in even thinking about it. She would have to just get over this…this…whatever it was.

"Lily!"

Alright, who was she kidding? This wasn't just some sort of sickness and for some reason this made her incredibly sad.

"_Damn, when did my life turn into such a drama?"_ she thought miserably.

"Hello, Lily? Anyone at home?"

She looked at her friends who were all looking concernedly at her. As usual.

"Yes?"

"Have you heard _anything _we've said in the last five minutes?"

She blinked at them, "Err…sorry I spaced out for a second," she said lamely.

"A second? More like ten minutes!" Sirius said incredulously.

"Sorry," she said, rubbing the back of her neck awkwardly.

"Are you sure you're feeling okay, Lily? You've been out of it the entire time we've been here."

She avoided James' eye, "Yeah…I'm…just sort of tired…"

"Maybe we should go." Peter said worriedly.

Sirius and James nodded, but Remus didn't say anything. Instead, he was looking at her with an odd look on his face.

"_Oh, bugger."_

"Well, we'll see you tomorrow, Lily, okay?"

"Uh…yeah…sure," she said, wishing Remus would stop looking at her like that.

"Bye," Lily said awkwardly, "See you tomorrow."

The second they left the room, her Healer sat in one of the chairs next to her beside.

"Hey?" she whispered conspiratorially, "Do you fancy him? The messy-haired one?"

"No!" Lily said quickly, ready to assure her that she had no interest in her _friend_.

"Whatever you say, hun," the woman replied, winking at her and trounced out of the room. Lily buried her head in her pillow.

"_Bloody hell. I'm in love with James Potter." _

**A/N: Yeah, this chapter was really short, I'm sorry. As you can see, the LilyxJames is going to be starting soon! (Note: This will not be the last thing you hear about how Lily survived. It will have make sense (eventually.))**

**Also, yes, Lily thinking that James will never like her is a bit cliché, but, then again, she considers herself a mass murderer, so it's not that farfetched. **

**As you can probably tell, this chapter is unbeta-ed. My beta hasn't been answering my emails in a while, but I decided to post this anyway because it's been months. I don't know if (s)he is sick or doesn't want to beta this anymore, but at the moment I need a new one. Please contact me if you're interested! **

**If you have any questions or complaints please review!**


	3. Deceiving Appearances

Chapter Three-

James' P.O.V.

James was bored. He was at Hogwarts after being newly inducted into the Order of the Phoneix, waiting for his parents to stop having some secret conversation with Dumbledore that he apparently wasn't allowed to listen in on. Sirius, Peter, and Remus and the other new recruits had all gone home.

In fact, he was so bored, that he was in the library. The _library_. All right, it was the Restricted Section, but still. The library was Moony's domain. _He _wasn't supposed to be in here!

James gave a long suffering sigh and pulled a book from off one of the towering shelves. He braced himself as he opened it, just in case it screamed. Thankfully, it didn't, though in a moment James wished it had. The illustration on the page he had filled to showed in graphic detail a woman in the process of melting. From the inside out. James flinched as he recalled the bloody form of a Death Eater that had been burnt into his mind.

"_Don't think about it," _he told himself, _"Be strong."_

It was hard, not thinking about it. It plagued his dreams constantly and sometimes James felt so frustrated he could scream. Some of the time he felt that the Death Eater got what he/she deserved, but other times he was filled with regret and self-loathing. James would cope, he knew he could, but things would never be the same again. It made him feel sad to think so, but it was the truth.

There was also the fact that he hadn't actually told anyone. He parents, he knew, would get over-emotional and would smother him with sympathy and affection. Peter would be horrified, Sirius would try and justify his actions, and Remus would probably say something philosophical that James wouldn't understand anyway. The only person he felt he could even mention it to was Lily, but she was still in the hospital and had enough things going on at the moment.

He pulled out a book entitled "Strange Magical Branches and Phenomenon" and flipped through it. James frowned at it. Why was this book in the Restricted Section? There was no blood, dead things, or…oh, wait, there's a corpse. Now we're talking.

James scanned the long index of meaningless Latin words until he came across a section that looked remotely interesting.

"'Magical Outbursts and Their Effects On People Around Them,'" he read aloud.

He turned to page 59 and read:

_Most tend to think of 'Magical Outbursts' as something that an untrained child would release. However, a careful study of recorded outbursts not performed by children tell a different story. We believe the information we are about to present says a lot about wizards and witches as magical beings. We feel that wizard-kind could greatly benefit from…_

James felt the back of his neck prickle and skipped a page.

"'Out of Anger and Fear,'" he read the subtitles, "'Why Adrenaline has Magical Properties, Confusion and that Trapped Feeling, In and Around Stressful Situations, The Effects of an Abusive Childhoo…'"

James swallowed and trailed off. He lowered his eyes to read and felt guilty. Maybe in this book, maybe by reading this he could understand a bit better why Lily-probably Sirius too-was the was she was.

_Even as adults, most victims of even the most mild cases of child abuse are constantly suppressing bad memories. This, of course, is a distinctly human response that even adults with non-abusive childhoods practice. However, because the victim's memories are so deeply rooted in their childhood, the most impressionable part of a human's life, they are suppressing much more than the average adult. When any kind of magical outburst occurs, the memories that are repressed the most become released and, in a few rare cases, have been known to actually have been _transferred _into the closest person to them's mind for a limited period of time. This, of course, is incredibly rare and can even be dangerous under the right circumstances…_

James closed the book and was surprised that he seemed unperturbed. He guessed he had thought it was something like that. The memory of that Halloween in Hogsmeade was vague, and more than once James had wondered if he had imagined the cruel voices that had filled his mind. But after Lily's Boggart he had become convinced that they had been real and now this proved it.

"_I wonder what things would be like now, if someone else had been closer to her_," he wondered philosophically and left the library less than five minutes later.

Lily's P.O.V.

"Ms. Evans, Ms. Evans, over here!"

"Ms. Evans, can I have a word?"

"How did you do it, Ms. Evans?"

Lily scowled as she and a few other members of the Order of the Phoenix pushed their way through the crowd. She had finally gotten out of the hospital and was not pleased at the large amount of people in her way.

"Are you alright?" one of the hooded 'guards' asked her once they Apparated.

"Fine," Lily grunted, annoyance colouring her voice.

While, technically, Lily was a member of the Order of the Phoenix, she had never attended a formal meeting and didn't know the members very well at all. Ever since she had been convinced (coerced) into joined the Order by Dumbledore, he had been calling her into his office to explain new information and statistics they had gained. It wasn't really worth sneaking her out of school every few weeks.

Lily inwardly sighed and regarded her surroundings carefully. They appeared to be at the edge of a wood.

The fact that her 'bodyguards' regarded her with the same wariness that her classmates had in the months before the attack on Hogwarts was not helping. The fact that she could not see their faces was also unnerving.

They walked in silence down a slim winding path through the forest. Fifteen minutes passed until finally they reached a small wooden house tucked away next to the largest tree Lily had seen in her life. Suddenly, she instinctively knew that this place was magic. Being a true urbanite, large, empty spaces made her nervous even after she had attended Hogwarts for seven years. But all of the sudden the forest seemed welcoming and quite pleasant. They reached the iron door and one of her 'escorts' knocked on the door four times. There was a tense pause and then a voice spoke from the other side of the door.

"Who's there?"

It was an unfamiliar voice of a young man, but the adults surrounding her seemed satisfied.

"McKinnon, Diggle, Longbottom, and Fenwick bringing Lily Evans to Spinner's End," one of the members, a young woman by her voice, said.

Lily started and looked at each cloaked figure carefully. Frank Longbottom had been Head Boy when she was a third year. She wondered if it was the same Longbottom. Before she could ask the door opened and all thoughts of familiar surnames flew from her mind.

Severus Snape stood in the doorway, his long greasy hair shining eerily in the faint light of the candlelit room behind him.

Lily yelped in surprise and went for her wand only to be Disarmed immediately.

"Stop that racket," one of her faceless guards said, pocketing her wand, "Everything will be explained, just get inside."

"He's a Death Eater!" Lily snarled, pointing and not bothering to keep her voice down, "He and a bunch of his Slytherin friends attacked me in-"

"Quiet!" Snape said, his dark eyes looking around the clearing, "Get inside, you fool."

Lily gripped the knife in her belt and almost drew it, but at the last second hesitated. McKinnon and Fenwick (if they were who they said they were) were no Death Eaters. They were quite famous Aurors. And it was doubtful that Death Eaters were masquerading at them _and_ Longbottom, who Snape would've known went to Hogwarts at the same time as her for three years. It was possible that Snape was a spy for the Order, but then why had he attacked her only months ago? Unless, he had made some deal with Dumbledore in order to get out of Azkaban…

She strode into the small house and to her surprise that there was nothing remotely magical about it. It could have been because they were trying to attract less attention by using less magic, but Lily doubted it. The house felt distinctly…Mugglish.

She turned around warily and watched them all trail in after her. Snape's look of disgust deepened.

"Explain," she demanded.

"I'd appreciate if you wouldn't give orders in my _house_, Evans," Snape said, malice dripping off every syllable.

"_Your _hous-" The truth came to her like a bolt of lightning, "You're a Muggleborn…?"

"Half-blood, actually," Snape said, looking rather grouchy. After a quick look outside, he shut the door.

Her guards removed their hoods and Lily was looking into the face of Frank Longbottom as well as McKinnon and Benjy Fenwick. She didn't recognize the last one; Diggle, they had called him.

"Snape has been spying on the children of Death Eaters and later the Death Eaters themselves for three years," McKinnon explained.

Lily raised an eyebrow, "How do I know you're not just all Death Eaters and are planning to kill me?"

Longbottom snorted, "I doubt that even Death Eaters would be stupid enough to masquerade as the _great _Fenwick and McKinnon."

"Shut it," McKinnon said, looking a bit embarrassed.

She was a tall, sturdy looking woman who looked like she could handle herself, Lily made note of.

"Why did you try to attack me in April then?" Lily asked the Slytherin, still not convinced of his trustworthiness.

Snape rolled his eyes, "Bellatrix had them all riled up about starting a revolution and defending our 'pureblood' status. It would have been…unwise to disagree with her."

"You're a very good actor then."

"Well, I only _have_ been pretending I'm pureblooded for seven years," Snape says challengingly.

Lily's hands ached for her knife.

"And why?" she said sarcastically, "Did no one tell me of this…_development _before?"

"No one in the Order knows everything except Dumbledore," Fenwick snapped. Lily seemed to have touched a nerve, "It makes it safer, see? Dumbledore invented a truly unique way to shield us from unwanted guests. The tree outside is-"

"Alright," Lily said, cutting him of brusquely "Let's say I believe you. Why am I here?"

"We need you to stay here until the press quiets down," Diggle piped up. His voice was unusually high for a man's and out of the corner of her eye, Lily saw Longbottom wince.

"Why here?" Lily asked, looking around the dwelling, "Why can't I just go home? No one's ever found _that _before."

"'Home?'" McKinnon questioned and suddenly Lily felt a flare of anger. How dare she just assume that-

"Where?" Snape said meanly, "In a dumpster?"

Lily felt her face burn and rage-_rage-_filled her up to the brim. She threw herself at him, causing them both to tumble to the floor. He cried out and tried to scramble away but she slammed his shoulder to the floor and drew her knife, and held it to his throat.

"You _ever_ say anything like that again," she hissed, "And I swear to God I'll _slit _you're ungrateful throat!"

"Get off of him!" Fenwick said grabbing her shoulder.

She allowed him to pull her off Snape, but then shrugged his grip off.

"I apologize," Longbottom said formally, "We didn't think-"

"So you believe the garbage the bloody _Prophet_ prints instead of asking me?" Lily fumed.

She wished Dumbledore was here so she could yell at him. "N-No," Diggle stuttered, "But Dumbledore thought this was the safest location-"

"Yes, you've said that already," Lily shot back, "I'm asking why nobody thought to consult with _me _first."

"And we told you," Fenwick said in a superior voice, "that not everyone in the Order knows everything. There's a reason that you're here."

"And when will I find that out?" Lily said childishly.

"When Dumbledore arrives, I suppose," McKinnon said flippantly, "Anyway, we had better go."

Fenwick threw her wand back at her and she caught it automatically. The guards put up their hoods and opened the door.

"Wait!" Lily cried, as they began to file outside, one by one, "You're just going to leave me with _him_?!"

"Believe me," Snape said in annoyance, "I take no pleasure from this arrangement either."

"Evans," McKinnon said, poking her head back through the door, "Stop being a brat. You're too old to act like this."

Then she shut the door with a sharp clang.

"Well, excuse _me_ if I don't like being dropped off at strange places without any explanation!" she yelled to the closed door.

"Welcome to the Order of the Phoenix," Snape said sardonically and then shuffled through another door and disappeared behind it.

Annoyed, Lily followed him.

"Why are you following me, Mudblood?" he bit out as they entered the next room, which turned out to be a small kitchen.

"Don't make me tackle you again," Lily said darkly, "Half-blood."

"Oh, I'm _so _insulted."

"So am I."

They glared at each other for a few seconds.

"Where are your parents, anyway?" Lily asked as she watched Snape pour himself a drink.

He rudely didn't offer her any.

"My mother is dead," he said bluntly, "When my father moved a few months ago, I got the house."

"How did you manage to escape Azkaban?" Lily asked bluntly, figuring that if she was here, she might as well get some answers, "Dumbledore?"

Snape snorted, "There was a reason I only used wandless magic back then. Harder to trace back to its caster."

"You really _are_ on our side, then?" Lily asked disbelievingly.

"No, actually this is just a diversion to keep you here until the Death Eaters come. But wait," Snape said sarcastically, "there _are_ no more Death Eaters!"

"What?"

"Do you pay attention to nothing, Evans? All the Death Eaters who managed to stay out of Azkaban have fled or renounced their alliance with the Dark Lord."

"That doesn't mean they're not still out there," Lily countered.

She picked up a dark-covered book from the rickety kitchen table.

"Don't touch that!" Snape snapped.

"'_Secrets of the Darkest Art_,'_"_ Lily read, "Really, Snape, you act like I've never been exposed to Dark Magic before. I _have_ spent more than my fair share of time in Knockturn Alley, you know."

"That's research for Dumbledore," Snape said, trying to snatch the book out of her hands and failing, "Give it back."

"Why?" Lily asked, flipping the book open, "It's a book. I like books."

Lily tried to sit down, but then remembered that she had a sword in her belt. She pulled it out a dropped it on the table along with her two daggers, wand, and extra wand.

Snape stared, "Why do you carry around a sword?"

"Element of surprise," Lily said, "No one really expects you to whip out a sword in the middle of a fight and by the time they actually figure what it is, their head is gone."

"Some hero of the Wizarding World you are."

Lily raised her eyes from the book, "You know, besides at that nonsense about me being off my rocker in the Prophet, the stuff they wrote about me was mainly true. I did grow up having to use force to get what I needed, I'm not above murder or torture, and by all rights I should be locked up for the rest of the world's safety."

"Oh, _that _makes me feel safe," Snape said, looking unimpressed.

Lily snorted and flipped a page. Snape got up and opened the fridge, pulling out a covered dish.

"You gonna offer me any this time?" Lily asked.

"No. Get your own food."

"Unfortunately, that would involve me leaving the vicinity."

Snape glared and slammed a bowl of cold spaghetti and meatballs down in front of her a few seconds later.

"Ew," Lily said, poking at the meatball, "Do you have anything without meat in it? I'm a vegetarian."

"You're a _what_? You behead people, but you don't eat meat?" Snape said incredulously.

"That was a joke."

Snape stared at her for a few seconds and then stomped out of the kitchen.

"_Was it something I said_?" Lily wondered and heated up the bowl of spaghetti in the microwave.

Five days passed with no word from the Order and Lily was getting impatient. In fact, if it wasn't for the large library of Dark Arts books that Snape possessed Lily would've left within an hour of arriving.

Living in the same house as Snape was startling not unpleasant. At Hogwarts, Snape had always been cruel and bigoted. However, Lily was forced to reevaluate her opinion of him. She came to the conclusion that Snape was just grumpy because people were always interrupting his reading. Seriously, even _she _wasn't that bad. And sure, it was a wee bit _weird_ how he was always snickering when he read, but Lily had lived around worse people.

Snape didn't talk much, but after the first few days it became evident that he too had his own problems. He was as an insomniac as she was, and it wasn't unusual for Lily to wake up and find Snape with a cup of coffee in the kitchen reading a book.

Eventually, they developed into a sort of routine, which basically was I won't bother you, if you don't bother me. They didn't talk much and when they did it was "Can I use the shower?" or "Did you eat all of the potatoes?"

In fact, the only time they did have a proper conversation was one that shaped the next few years of Lily's life.

"Snape…" Lily said slowly, adjusting _Secrets of the Darkest Art_ in her lap, "Why is Dumbledore having you read about Horcruxes?"

Snape stiffened, "None of your business."

He made to grab the book, but Lily held it out of his reach.

"It's about Voldemort, isn't it?" Lily said, a cold feeling in her stomach, "That's why he's not dead, right. He's made one of these Horcrux things!"

"You're not supposed to know that," Snape said, looking angry at himself, "I wasn't supposed to tell anyone. Dumbledore said-"

"Bollocks to that," Lily snarled, "If I'm going to kill him then I would've found out sooner or later!"

"Who says _you're_ going to kill him?" Snape muttered.

Lily ignored him.

"So I just have to find this Horcrux, destroy it and then he's dead, right?"

"It's not that easy," Snape said in a resigned voice, "Dumbledore thinks there's more than one of them."

"'More than one of them?' What do you mean? Two? Three?"

"Try seven," Snape said and took her shock as an opportunity to grab the book back.

"Seven…?"

"Or eight, really," Snape said a calmly, "When the Dark Lord got hit by the Killing Curse, his soul split in two again. For a while, Dumbledore thought it became imbedded in _you_, but then he found it took refuge in a girl's bracelet that had been left in the Great Hall during the attack."

"So he destroyed it, then?" Lily asked, her mind spinning with the sudden onslaught of new information.

Snape nodded.

"But _seven_!" Lily cried, almost losing her composure, "They could be anywhere!"

"Exactly."

**A/N: Wow, it's been so long since I've actually written this fic! More than a year probably. Anyway, you got some insight about what happened way back in Chapter Seven of TPTA. And Horcruxes! (Don't worry, because this is an AU they'll be in different places than they were in DH.)**

**Please review and many thanks to my awesome beta JazzmizFTW!**


	4. Commencement

Chapter Four-

"Bad news," Snape said after opening a letter a grey owl had dropped onto the kitchen table, "The Death Eaters are regrouping."

Lily raised her head from her book, "Told you they weren't gone," she muttered, "You'll be joining them?"

Snape opened another envelope that appeared to have been stuffed into the first one.

"Yes," he confirmed after a few seconds, "I will. This letter was sent to me a few days ago. Dumbledore intercepted it."

"He reads your _mail_?!" Lily asked disgustedly.

Snape looked surprised at her tone, "Of course," he replied, "It was sent by Lucius _Malfoy_."

Lily grimaced. Lucius Malfoy had been several years ahead of her in school and had had a reputation for cursing Gryffindors while their backs were turned.

"He turned Death Eater, then?" Lily asked heavily.

Snape gave a snort, "Of course. He was already one at school, mind you."

Lily frowned, "Really? And he never got caught?"

Snape shrugged, "Well, pretty much all the Slytherins knew, but we obviously weren't going to say anything. And the Ministry didn't develop a way to detect Death Eaters until several months ago."

It took all of Lily's willpower to _not _point out that it was she that developed the way to detect Death Eaters.

"Oi, Snape," she asked, "Why'd you turn anyway?"

He stiffened and glared at her, "None of your business," he said tightly.

Lily raised her eyebrows.

"Any news about when I'm leaving this dump?" she asked, changing the subject.

"No," Snape replied, still sounding irritated, "Now bugger off."

Lily scowled and returned to her book.

James' P.O.V.

"We've got problems!" James called, striding into Dumbledore's office where the rest of the Order was convened, "Word around Knockturn Alley is that Voldemort is calling all his followers to him."

There were grumbles and James' parents looked accusingly at Dumbledore, angry that he had let him go to such a dangerous place. James clenched his teeth at this. Here they were, in the middle of a war and they were still mollycoddling him. He wasn't a child anymore. He was eighteen for Merlin's sake!

The grumbling continued and Professor McGonagall, whom James still had a hard time believing was involved in a secret organization, had to create a loud noise with her wand to silence them.

"Quiet!" she said fiercely.

The grumbling died down and all eyes turned to Albus Dumbledore, who looked quite grave indeed.

"So, he said seriously, "Lord Voldemort is not even attempting to hide his intent to regain power. This is both a blessing and a curse. The majority of the Wizarding World will soon know that he is not, indeed, dead. However, he is recovering his strength far sooner than I had anticipated."

"His followers must have found him," Alice Prewett said, a woman James remembered from Hogwarts. He noted with surprise that she was wearing an engagement ring.

"But what could those bastards do for him?" a scarred Auror that James only knew as 'Moody' barked out, "Being hit by _Avada Kedavra_, isn't a walk in the park, you know!"

James saw Dumbledore's mouth move, saying something to himself or perhaps Professor McGonagall, but he couldn't make it out.

The Order members all started arguing again and James clenched his fists, feeling annoyed and out of place. Sirius had just started working at Gringotts, Remus was off doing a job for Dumbledore, and Peter…

To tell the truth, Peter hadn't seemed particularly enthusiastic about joining the Order. He had come to the first two meetings with them, but after a while he started making excuses as to why he couldn't come.

"What a coward," Sirius had hissed contemptuously, but Remus had had an entirely different opinion.

"He's scared, Prongs," he had said seriously, "Peter and I…well, we're not like you and Sirius. We're not brave like you two."

"But you're here!" James had argued back, "You haven't run!"

But Remus had laughed, "No, but I don't have a family to protect. My parents are gone."

Remus' parents had moved to Canada shortly after they were attacked by Death Eaters a year and a half before. They had desperately wanted to take Remus with them, but Remus refused to go, and it was unlikely that the Ministry would've allowed a werewolf to leave the country in the first place.

"He still has his mother and siblings to worry about," Remus had continued, "I know they go after everyone's families, but let's face it. Mine are in Canada, yours are already in the Order, and Padfoot's don't give a damn about him." He had smiled sadly, "And I'm a werewolf, James. No one will give me a job but Dumbledore, so here I am."

So James had let go, and stopped bothering Peter about showing up to meetings anymore.

"James," his mother said coming to put her hand on his arm after the meeting ended, "James, I'm worried. You shouldn't be doing this. You…You should start looking at Quidditch teams, right? Didn't you get an offer from-"

"Forget it, Mum," he said softly, "There's a war going on, alright."

His father frowned, "James…"

But he turned away from them and as soon as he left the grounds, he Apparated to Sirius' place.

"Had another fight with your folks?" Sirius asked when he returned.

"Not really," James said, tired all of the sudden, "They just want me to quit the Order."

Sirius made a face.

"Yeah," James chuckled, "You know, even though they're in the middle of it, I feel like half the time they don't know what's going on."

Suddenly, he was on his feet and pacing.

"It's just that…that…I mean, there's a bloody war on and they think I should try out for…for Puddlemere United or something!" he raged.

"I know, mate," Sirius said, looking quite startled, "That's totally out of order, but you don't have to yell at me over it."

"Sorry," James grumbled, "But…really! It's just-"

Sirius rolled his eyes and pulled several bottles of Fire Whiskey and some plastic cups out from under his bed.

James grabbed a cup after he filled it and downed it in one gulp.

"Now we're talking," Sirius grinned.

James woke up, slightly disorientated and groaned. He rolled over onto his side, trying to shield his eyes from the light streaming in with the least possible effort.

"Padfoot," he said sluggishly, "I hate you."

Sirius let out a dry laugh, "Right about now, I hate me too."

"No, really," James groaned, using Sirius' dresser to pull himself into a standing position off the floor, "I really, really…"

He stumbled and covered his eyes, "Bollocks to that, Sirius, where are your hangover potions?"

Fifteen minutes later, the both sat at Sirius' kitchen table. James flipped through the real-estate section of the Muggle newspaper.

"Mate, are you sure you want to move out, though?" Sirius asked, buttering his toast, "I mean, they are your parents."

James opened his mouth angrily to point out that _he_ shouldn't be talking, only to see the look on Sirius' face and shut it abruptly.

"Yeah, well," he muttered, adjusting his glasses and running a hand through his hair, "I…I want to be there, you know, just in case something happens again, but…"

"But?" Sirius pressed, looking worried.

James felt kind of bad now. He had forgotten how grateful Sirius had been when his parents had taken him in.

"I mean, they won't stop badgering me! I don't think they understand what's going on! They…they weren't conscious last summer, they weren't at the Battle of Hogsmeade, and they came in the last half an hour at Hogwarts. They don't know what it's like! And…it's strange, but _I do_! We do." He looked up at Sirius. "We've been there while they're in their little meetings, planning everything out, and I…" he sighed, "I know they worry, that's what parents do, but…I'm not a child anymore. I-I _killed_ someone, Sirius."

Sirius' mouth fell open a little and he stared.

"You…what?"

James gritted his teeth and clenched his fists, "At Hogwarts, right…right before Lily got hit. I used _Reducto_ and cut…" He bite his lip, but forced himself to continue, "And cut a Death Eater in half."

There was a long silence.

"Me too," Sirius whispered.

James jerked up and stared at him.

"When…when we split up…I set one on fire. He…he screamed and then…"

"We're _such _prats," James said after a while and closed his eyes.

"Yeah," Sirius said, and he couldn't tell whether he was laughing or crying, "Yeah."

"When they find out what it's really like?" Sirius asked carefully, after the moment had passed, "What then?"

James wiped his eyes and swallowed the lump in his throat.

"They're not fighters," he said, "They want to do the right thing, but they're afraid. The incident last summer, really shook them. Almost more than me, and that's when I first saw Lily…" he trailed off and looked out the window at the grey morning sky.

"They're going to leave, Padfoot," he said softly, "Just like Moony's. I can't say how long I've known it, but it's going to happen. I don't want them to," he clarified, "But at the same time, I'm glad. Glad they'll be out of the way."

"I know, mate."

"It's just…they're older than most people's parents, see? My dad's nearly sixty-five now, so…"

"You don't have to say anything more, James," Sirius said, "It's alright."

James smiled a little sadly at him.

"I'm scared," Sirius murmured, "It…things weren't like this a year and a half ago, you know? I mean, the Death Eaters were there, but…they seemed so far away. Even in my family," he said with a little disgust.

"It's funny how things change," James said and laughed because he sounded like and old man.

"Hey, I've a good a idea," Sirius said leaning forward in the same way he did when they were planning to dye Snape's hair or cause the Great Hall to rain Butterbeer, "We should have a get-together with Moony and Wormtail."

James raised an eyebrow, "Even Wormtail?"

"Yeah, well, I'm still pissed at the tosser," Sirius said flippantly, "But we may all die tomorrow, so what the hell."

James snorted, "Cheers, mate," he said, raising his mug of coffee mockingly.

Sirius swung at him and they were kids again, messing around on a warm morning in late June.

Lily's P.O.V.

"Come on then," Fenwick said coolly, "We're going to Hogwarts for a meeting."

Lily was tempted to ask why they had shut her up for almost two weeks, but bit her tongue. She glanced at Snape, but he had an unreadable look on his face.

"Alright," she said, getting up from her seat, "I don't have any baggage with me. Let's go."

Snape rose too, but Longbottom stopped him.

"You aren't coming with us," he said and handed him a letter, "Here are your orders."

Snape opened the letter and his face contracted for a split second. The it was gone.

"Alright," he said calmly, pocketing it.

"Good luck, Snape," Lily said turning her back on him.

He made a grunting sound in response.

They Apparated to right outside the gates of Hogwarts and within a few minutes Professor McGonagall walked down from the castle and opened the gates for them. She gave Lily a tight nod, but did not say anything to her. Lily didn't expect her to.

Lily felt a certain sense of elation as she breathed the warm night air in deeply. It was nice to finally be outside once again. She hadn't even been allowed one step outside Snape's house for the past days and it was torture for a person who had spent most of their life outside. She was unused to being cooped up all day. When she first started Hogwarts, she had almost had a panic attack from being inside so much.

"We'll leave you here," Fenwick said, and her guards turned and left.

McGonagall led the rest of the way up to Dumbledore's office in silence. Lily felt nostalgic as she passed by the many whispering paintings and the suits of armor.

"Go on up, Miss Evans," Professor McGonagall said once they reached the stone gargoyles that guarded Dumbledore's office.

Lily frowned, "There's not a meeting?"

The older woman shook her head and turned and walked away, heels clicking down the tile floor.

Lily sighed and turned to face the gargoyles.

"Let me in," she said stiffly, remembering her last experience with them.

"Password?" they said predictably.

"Do we _really _have to go through with this?" Lily asked, looking around for McGonagall in vain.

"No, not really," the one on the right said, "But it's the only amusement we have."

Lily glared.

"Alright, alright," the one on the left said and they leapt aside.

"It's been a while, Miss Evans," Dumbledore greeted her with.

Lily still felt slightly resentful over him dumping her with Snape but she was an adult now. As much as she hated to admit it, McKinnon had been right. She was too old to be impulsive, not when there was so much at stake.

"I trust Severus told you about the secret of Lord Voldemort's so-called immortality?"

Lily frowned, "How did you-"

Dumbledore laughed softly, "Miss Evans, I lent Severus those books right before your arrival to his dwelling with a specific purpose in mind. I did remember how much time you spent in the Hogwarts Library while you were a student here."

He spoke like it was so long ago. It was only July, after all.

"Why didn't you just tell me at the hospital?" Lily asked, frowning.

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled, "Well, lately you've had trouble believing anything I've said, so I decided it was best if you figured out Voldemort's secret on your own."

Lily felt herself blush, "Sir, I-"

He waved her apology away, "I've collected several memories that contain information about the man once called Tom Riddle."

Lily frowned, "'Tom Riddle'?" she repeated.

"Tom Riddle," Dumbledore continued, "was an exceptional student who attended Hogwarts more than thirty years ago. He was a half-blooded Slytherin who was very charismatic and almost from the first day he stepped within these walls, he gathered a group of loyal supporters around him. It was _he_ who opened the Chamber of Secrets, and _he_ who eventually became known as 'Lord Voldemort.'"

Lily stared, "Voldemort is a half-blood?!"

"_Is everyone a half-blood nowadays?_" she wondered thinking of Snape.

Dumbledore frowned, apparently not expecting her surprise, "Miss Evans, many so called 'purebloods' do have some Muggle blood in them, but are simply pretending otherwise." He looked vaguely surprised that she didn't know this. "It just isn't possible that there could be so many purebloods left."

"Oh," Lily said.

To tell the truth, she hadn't really thought about blood purity all that much. For some reason it seemed such a concrete issue at school and not subject to question. Either you were or you weren't. That was it.

"These memories, I believe, are very important. They might show what objects he might have made into Horcruxes."

Now Lily was listening.

"Because of Voldemort's imminent and speedy rise back to power, I won't show you all of them, but will briefly summarize them."

"Sir," Lily asked, fighting the impulse to raise her hand, "May I borrow some parchment and a quill? I'd like to take notes."

The look on Dumbledore's face was priceless and he began to laugh.

Several hours later, Fenwick and Longbottom returned and escorted Lily to a small flat in the middle of London.

"You'll be staying here when you're not at Order meetings," Longbottom told her.

"Don't worry," Fenwick said, seeing her face, "It's only until Voldemort shows himself again. Which, unfortunately, appears to be happening soon. We just want to get you out of the press."

"Alright, alright," she grumbled, "But none of my clothes or stuff is here."

It had been real annoying wearing the same thing everyday at Snape's.

"Your trunk wasn't sent over at Snape's?" Longbottom asked in surprise.

"No," Lily said, trying hard not to sound immature about it.

"We'll send it over then," Fenwick muttered and they turned to leave.

"Wait," Lily called after them, sick of being left behind, "What about food? Am I allowed to leave here? If I'm going to fight a war, I'm going to need my stuff. _All_ my stuff. That includes the weapons at my place!"

"We'll send someone over to go with you," he replied without turning around, "Don't leave until they get here. Try not to use magic. Food is in the cabinets."

They Disapperated and Lily swore.

She turned on the lights of the flat and sat down on the mattress in the bedroom, one of the only pieces of furniture in the small flat.

"I hate being left behind," she whispered to the darkness.

"Evans…Oi, Evans! Wake up!"

Lily did. She sprang up from the underneath the sheets, brandishing her wand and knife. She was just about to curse the intruders when she realized that it was only Dorcus Meadows and a man that she vaguely recognized as something Fletcher. She thought he had been two years ahead of her in school.

She also became aware that she had taken off her shirt before going to sleep and was only in her bra.

There was an awkward silence, and Lily lowered her weapons. The scared looks on their faces eased away.

"Yes?" she asked in embarrassment, pulling on her shirt.

"Er…we've brought yer trunk," Fletcher said, not looking at her in the eyes. It wasn't because he was embarrassed, Lily realized. He was scared of her.

"Oh, thanks," she said and lifted it onto the bed with one arm.

They stared.

Muttering a few charms, she unlocked it and opened one of the secret compartments she installed. She pulled out her spare wand, several more knifes, and some potions.

"The rest of my stuff is at my place," she told them, "Did Dumbledore tell you to come with me there or something?"

Meadows shook her head. There was a scar right under her eye. She must have acquired it during the battle at Hogwarts.

"I think he's going to send either Black or Potter," she said, "Someone you know better."

Lily was surprised at Dumbledore's tact.

"We 'ave these for ye, too," Fletcher said, holding up a package that Lily hadn't noticed before. It looked like a stack of books.

"He said yeh were to read 'em, while yeh were 'ere."

Lily saw Meadows roll her eyes at his heavy Cockney accent. She frowned in disapproval. She had spoken like that once, too. It hadn't been until fourth year that she had gotten rid of the accent completely. It was the first thing people at Hogwarts had made fun of her for, she also remembered.

"Thank you," she murmured and took the package of books.

"Good luck, Evans," Meadows said, "You'll need it."

Lily smiled, "I know."

**A/N: Dun, dun, dun! The battle's just beginning! Next chapter there will probably be some fighting, and I promise it'll be more interesting. This was sort of a filler. It had to be done for the next chapters to make sense, but kinda dull.**

**Anyway, sorry for the wait, I've had Writer's Block (for everything, really.) Many thanks to my new beta and please review! **


	5. Looking Backwards

**A/N: Warning, this chapter hasn't been beta-ed! I sent it to my beta a few weeks ago, but they haven't responded to my emails. I'm not sure if they don't want to beta this anymore or have something else going on, so I'll try and figure that out before I post next time. Sorry!**

Chapter Five-

Lily was practicing some kicks and punches on the pillar in the middle of the apartment when a knock came at the door. She froze for a split second and then leapt for her wand that she had left on the dresser. Crawling on her stomach army style she inched down the landing. Once she got to the door, she pressed herself up against the wall and stood. She closed her eyes and released all the tension in her muscles before throwing open the door violently.

…and nearly poked out her eye with her wand when she saw who it was.

"Wotcher, Lily," James said, not looking even remotely surprised at her display, "They did tell you I was coming, didn't they?"

"Y-You," Lily gaped, staggering, "Jesus, do you have any idea what I was just about to-"

He grinned and ruffled his hair, something he had done so much that it became an unconscious impulse, "Well, I figured you would try something like that, so I wasn't really surprised."

Lily scowled, "Am I really that predictable?"

His eyes widened, "No, that wasn't what I me-Are you hands bleeding?!"

She looked down at her bloody knuckles, confused about his outburst, "Oh!" she said when she realized what he meant, "Er…I was just exercising a bit. I don't want to get out of practice and quite frankly Snape wasn't too keen about me breaking his walls."

James nodded understandingly and then did a double take, "Wait, what? _Snape_?"

She frowned, "They didn't tell you?"

"Snape?" he gasped, "_That _Snape?"

"I was staying at his house before I came here," she explained, "He's a spy for the Order."

"But he attacked you, didn't he?" said James, looking shell-shocked, "And you were _staying _wit-"

"Yeah, apparently he's been spying on the children of Death Eaters for Dumbledore."

"But you _stayed _with him?! Alone?"

Lily was puzzled, "Well, yes. I mean, I'm sure they couldn't spare anyone, with the search for Voldemort and all…"

James did not particularly look surprised about the innocence of a boy that Lily knew he had been at odds with for the better part of their years at Hogwarts. Instead, he looked furious at the mere thought of…of her staying with Snape?

"B-But-" James looked increasingly confused. "But he's a _bloke_! Why would Dumbledore-"

Lily was annoyed now, "James have you ever _looked_ at Snape? He's so skinny I could break him like a stick." She appreciated that he cared for her chastity, but it was all rather unnecessary.

"He's a grouch, sure," she explained, "But altogether, not that bad."

James scowled and muttered something about talking to Dumbledore. Then he looked down at her hands again and opened his mouth again.

"Alright, alright," Lily said, cutting him off before he could even start, "Before you start twining on about my hands, come in."

She grabbed his wrist and pulled him inside without thinking about it. For a second, they were too close, but Lily closed and locked the door quickly, and then turned around and walked down the landing.

At Snape's she had had a lot of free time to think things over. Looking back on it, she had probably liked James for a long time, but just hadn't realized it. Lily wasn't sure about the whole love thing, but it was blatantly obvious to her at this point that she at least fancied him.

But regardless of her age, she knew she wasn't ready for relationships. She probably would never be. Even if by some fluke James did like her back, Lily would still reject him. She just wasn't a very physical or romantic person. Even the thought of kissing him made her feel a little queasy. She wasn't mental, like the papers said she was, but she could never become like a completely normal person. There were parts of her that were too broken for her to ever truly trust someone beyond friendship and she knew it. The thought of loving a boy, kissing him, having sex with him were just too foreign to her. Lily had seen enough domestic abuse in her life to know that true love really didn't exist like it did in storybooks. All that rot was just an illusion and she had no interest in getting hurt again.

But, still, it was embarrassing to have him so close like that. It made Lily feel like one of the girls in her dormitory who would spend their free time writing love letters to Sirius or some other male they deemed attractive enough. She not only felt stupid, but also immature and unprofessional as well.

Shaking those disturbing thoughts away, she turned toward James, "It's just practice," she told him, gesturing towards her bloody hands, "To make sure the skin on my knuckles stays tough. If I don't keep them in shape there's a higher chance I'll hurt them in fight."

She stuck her hands under the sink and washed them with soap.

James sighed unhappily, "No pain, no gain, I guess."

Lily gave him a quick smile and dried her hands, "So what's the plan?"

"Well, we're going to your place, right?" he said, sticking his hands in his pockets and slouching, "Where's it at?"

"Westminster," she muttered and wiped the sweat off her forehead. She grabbed her bag off the bed and put on her jacket. The sun would be setting soon and it would be cold.

"So how're we going to do this?" she asked, turning to him again.

"We're going as Muggles," he explained, "Just put a few glamour charms on and we'll take the tunnel trains."

Lily winced, "You mean the Underground?"

He rolled his eyes, "Same thing. You ready?"

"Yeah," she said, putting on her shoes, "I ought to warn you though, the neighborhood's pretty rough. I had better remove the charms when we get close."

He frowned, "But Dumbledore said specifically that you shoul-"

Lily smiled sardonically, "Trust me, it'll be much easier this way. People around know me and won't bother us."

James paused and gave her a strange look

"It's your choice, I guess," he said, after a while, "But if anything gets too rough, just Stun them and use a memory charm. The less time we spend the better."

Lily charmed her hair a dark brown color and her eyes a murky blue. She changed the shape of her nose and chin slightly, and made her eyebrows a bit thinner than usual. She studied her reflection in the bathroom mirror with satisfaction. It was just possible to tell who she was under the glamour, but only if you looked really closely. It was good enough. She looked like everyone else now…though maybe a little taller than the average woman. After a little deliberation, she cast an illusion on herself that would make her seem several inches shorter. Lily then changed into her sweatshirt and capris. There was a flash of something in the corner of the mirror and her eyes automatically followed it.

Lily's eyes widened and she gaped. She closed her mouth and then couldn't help laughing.

James had charmed his hair platinum blond.

"What?" he said innocently.

She choked and leaned against the bathroom counter for support.

"No," she told him when she regained her breath, "Absolutely not."

"Oh, c'mon," he said, grinning mischievously, "It's exactly the opposite of my natural hair color. No one will ever guess!"

"No," she said, snorting with laughter, "It's too…flashy."

She couldn't stop laughing. It wasn't even that funny, but she simply couldn't stop laughing.

"Oi, you're not going to die on me, are you?" he asked, leaning down as if to make sure she was okay.

"Take it off," she told him, getting up from off the floor.

"No," he responded stubbornly.

Lily frowned, "James…"

"Alright, let's compromise," he said, "Natural blond. Deal?"

He stuck out his hand.

Lily rolled her eyes, knowing her wasn't going to relent, "Fine," she said, shaking the proffered hand, "Deal."

Lily collected her weapons and wand while James added other touches to his appearance and changed into some Muggle clothes that he claimed he had borrowed from Sirius. When he emerged from the bathroom a few minutes later, Lily was surprised by the figure who greeted her. It wasn't like she hadn't expected him to look different, but for some reason actually seeing him was a shock.

His eyes were a dull green and his nose was a bit thicker than it usually was. He had taken off his glasses and also added a mole onto the left side of his chin, which Lily thought was very creative. But as much as she admired his wandwork, the result was…unsettling. She-

_-didn't like it-_

-nodded approvingly.

"We had better go," he said, peering out the window, "It's going to be dark soon and I was supposed to get you back before nightfall."

"It doesn't look like that's going to happen, so don't tell Dumbledore," he said and winked.

Lily had to look away so he wouldn't see her blush. Fortunately, he didn't notice, but it was close. It was a disease, that's what it was. Was there no escape?

"Lily?" James asked from the door. While she hadn't been paying attention, he had exited the apartment and was standing in the landing looking expectantly at her.

"Sorry," she muttered and slipped the last knife into it's sheath.

It was dusk by the time they left the building and got on the subway. James was impatient; constantly tapping his finger against the plastic seat and fidgeting. He was unaccustomed to commutes that took more than a few seconds and kept muttering things like "even going by broom would be faster" and "we're stopping again?!" For some reason his nervous fidgeting helped calm Lily down, though she still found it hard to look at him. She wasn't as frantic as she might have been but she was still terrified out of her wits.

When Meadows had told her that someone she knew would be sent to help her with her stuff, she hadn't really believed her. In reality, she hadn't really thought about it at all. She had just assumed that…she didn't know what she had assumed. All she knew was that she had _not _expected James to show up at her door. Not that it wasn't nice to see him, but she'd rather Sirius or Remus had come. From what she'd heard, James' family was perfectly normal, rich even. Sirius had a rich family as well, but he had been through things that the four Marauders knew about, but dared not talk about. Lily hadn't asked, but she could tell that he was scarred too, maybe as much as she was. And she saw Remus' pain once a month. But James (and Peter) were normal. He wouldn't understand when he saw where she lived. It might ruin things forever. She was scared of his reaction and she wondered if he'd ever look at her the same way again.

Because no matter how she had sugarcoated it in the past, Lily knew she lived in a dump. She lived in the worst neighborhood in London and it was almost dark. It wasn't that she thought she might not be able to handle herself; she was more worried about James might be exposed to on the way to and from the building that she called home. Fighting a Wizarding war was one thing, but the Muggle world (or the 'real' world as Lily tended to think of it) was much harsher. Muggles didn't have the capability of killing each other with beams of light and thus used much cruder measures. There were also other things, like drugs and slums, that didn't really exist in the Wizarding World (not that she knew of anyway.)

They got off at her stop and walked into the graffiti-covered station. Lily gave James a glance and saw that he looked tense, but not particularly surprised. Maybe, she thought, just maybe everything will be alright.

"I better change back now," she muttered, jerking her head towards the women's loo, "Wait here."

"Right," he said shrugging his shoulders casually.

Lily slid into a dingy stall and quickly took off all the glamour. It wasn't that she didn't trust James to take care of himself, it was that this was unfamiliar territory to him and he might be caught unawares.

Unfortunately, she had good reason to worry.

Lily exited the bathroom to find a group of three skinheads, complete with swastika tattoos, standing menacingly around her friend. Lily recognized a few of them as part of a petty gang who robbed and vandalized the homes of Ugandan immigrants. One of them was holding a bloody nose and another was on his knees gasping for breath.

"Ye little shit!" the one with the bloody nose was swearing, "I'll fucking-"

"Piss off," James said, quite calmly, "Go badger someone else."

There was a cold fury on his face that Lily had only seen once or twice and it occurred to her that she had never actually seen James in a fistfight.

There were other people in the station as well, but they walked past quickly, not even daring to look at the fight. Lily hated that. But before she could reflect on the vicissitudes of apathetic bystanders the only uninjured skinhead pulled out a switchblade. James's eyes narrowed and his hand floated toward his back pocket where Lily knew his wand was. He seemed reluctant to pull it out, though.

"I was only gonna take yer wallet' he sneered, "but now you're gonna pay for tha-"

James cut him off with swift punch to the face. He had a nice left hook, Lily thought dazedly. He then brought his knee up and caught him in the chest, throwing him backwards.

"Get out of here," James told them and leaned down to pick up the knife.

That was a mistake. The skin that James had presumably knocked the wind out of threw himself at James, bashing both of them against the wall.

"Sonova-"

James blocked the first punch, but then the skin stood up and kicked him in the ribs. He doubled over in pain and Lily took action. Before James was hit again, Lily grabbed the back of his attacker's shirt and flung him against the wall. She caught the

one with the bloody nose's fist and brought her elbow down on the crook of his am, effectively breaking it. He howled out and Lily brought her foot down on the third's throat.

"Watch it," she hissed.

"Who the hell are _you_?" he snarled up at her.

"Bloody idiot," the one she had slammed against the wall gaped, "It's Evans!"

"Impossible!" the bloody-nosed one said, "I thought yeh said she carked it months ago!"

"Then you obviously weren't paying attention," James said irritably, pushing himself into a standing position, holding his injured chest.

Lily glanced over at him, slowly forcing herself out of what she called her 'fighting mode.'

"You alright?" she asked, though she kept all traces of concern off her face. She couldn't afford to look weak in front of scum like this, even though the likelihood of them ever meeting again was slim.

He nodded tightly and managed to stand. Barely, but he did.

"Christ, Evans, he your _boyfriend_?" the one under her heel said, making the word 'boyfriend' as derogatory as possible, "Funny, I always figure'd you as a carpet muncher."

"Shut your gob!" James snarled, striding forward, "Or I'll-"

She caught his arm before he could do anything.

"We didn't come here to get into a fight," she said in a low voice, "Let's just get out of here."

James looked like he wanted to say something else, but he kept his mouth shut and jerked out of her grip.

"Right then," he said, still sounding annoyed, "Let's go then."

Lily didn't like his tone (it sounded like he was angry with _her_,) but she didn't saying anything and followed him to the stairs that led to the surface.

"Oi, you cowards!" they yelled, "Come back here you yellow bast-"

People stared at them on the way out, but Lily ignored them. After they reached the top of the steps Lily took the lead and they crossed the street. She gestured towards any alley underneath a dim streetlamp and James looked surprised, but made no comment.

The alley was almost pitch black, so Lily grabbed James's arms and guided him through.

"Are you mad at me?" she asked blandly when they were almost on the other side.

"No," he said, sounding surprised, though she couldn't see his face, "I just don't understand why you're _not_ mad."

"What do you mean?"

"He called you a 'carpet muncher!' Don't you know what that means?"

Lily does, "I've been called worse," she said and shrugged her shoulders.

They exit the alley and Lily let go of his arm. The walked through a small street and by several shops. A few drunkards sitting on the street corner yelled at her, but disappeared mysteriously once she got close enough for them to tell who she was.

"Merlin, they're really scared of you, aren't they," James observed.

"I guess," Lily said uneasily and changed the subject, "How's your ribs?"

"Fine," he said and rubbed his hand through his charmed blond hair, "I have been in fights before, you know."

"Haven't seen any of those moves before," she stated, keeping an eye out on a stack of crates behind which heroin addicts and muggers have been known to habituate.

"Alright, alright, you're on to me," he admitted, "You know that Auror, Mad-Eye Moody they call him?"

"Yeah." She'd read about him in the papers once or twice.

"Well, he's been teaching us some self-defense. Just in case we get disarmed."

"Useful," she said tersely. There were footsteps behind them, getting closer.

James snorted, "Yeah, I noticed."

Lily opened her mouth to mutter that they were being followed and that they had better take a detour when the footsteps quickened.

"Lily?" a voice said from behind her and she whirled around, hand moving to her wand.

She relaxed immediately when she recognized the face and reflected that all these false alarms were bad for her heart.

"Masani," she said, clutching her heart, "Don't scare me like that."

"Is sorry," the woman said. She was in her early thirties and was wearing heavy makeup and revealing clothing. She spoke with a heavy accent and Lily knew her as Masani, a refugee from Uganda.

"I wonders if you has money to loan," she said bluntly and drew herself up to her full height.

Lily knew Masani pretty well. When Lily had returned from Hogwarts after her first year to find that they abandoned basement she had been living in was occupied, Masani had taken her in for a while, despite the fact that she was very pregnant. She owed her and giving her money was the least she could do

"Sure," Lily said, and turned to James, "Where's the change from out tickets?" she muttered.

He blinked at her and drew forth and few coins and bill.

"This is all I can give you," Lily said, pressing the money into the woman's hands, "Sor-"

"Not give," she said proudly shaking her head, causing her large golden earrings to jingle, "Loan."

"Yes," Lily said, feeling as if she was about to burst out into tears all of the sudden, "It's a loan."

Masani smiled, took the money, and put it into her purse.

"I always payback," she said, shaking Lily's hand firmly, "It's deal."

"Yeah," Lily said and squeezed her thin hand back.

"I go now," Masani said, jerking her head back towards the way she had come, "Lots to do. Goodbye, Lily."

"Bye," Lily said and watched her fade into the distance.

"Who was she?" James asked as soon as she disappeared.

"A prostitute," Lily replied, wiping her eyes. She was glad for the darkness for the first time, "She used to take care of me when I got kicked out wherever I lived."

"'Used to?'"

"Even though she had three kids," Lily said and continued down the road, "She offered to take care of me. But I ran away."

James didn't say anything for a long time and Lily began to hope that he would let it go.

"Why?" he asked finally.

Lily bit her lip, "I was afraid…that she would hurt me. Not physically," she said at James's look, "But I had a hard time trusting people after…I just couldn't trust people. Back then it was easier to just run away."

"She seemed a bit…standoffish," James said hesitantly.

"She probably hasn't forgiven me," Lily whispered, and suddenly it was too much to take and she strode ahead.

"It's just up here," she called over her shoulder and wiped at her eyes again.

By the time they reached her building, her eyes were dry again and she was twice as scared of going in as she had been in the first place.

"Lily, you okay?" James asked, looking concerned in the pale light.

She nodded and began to work on the charms that kept her home impenetrable to intruders.

She could already tell this was not going to go well.

**A/N: Wow, it's been almost three months since I updated this! That's crazy, so I apologize. Life has been so hectic lately that I've hardly had enough time to write anything. **

**Anyway, a few things about this chapter: for the uninformed, a 'carpet muncher' is a slang term for a lesbian. I'm sure you can figure out why. Obviously this a very rude term and that goes especially since the year in this story is 1978. Also, in 1972, ****Ugandan dictator General Idi Amin expelled 80,000 Ugandan Asians from their homes. A lot of them came to live in England, which caused a lot of racial tension. **

**So, sorry for how long it took to get this posted! Please review! **


	6. Announcement and Story Notes

This probably won't come as a surprise to most of you, but unfortunately I've decided to discontinue this fic. I really, _really_, wanted to finish, but I'm just not that interested in the Harry Potter fandom anymore and I really haven't been since Deathly Hallows came out. I should have known that this was going to happen and finished before the final book came out, but sadly that didn't end up happening.

Time also had a lot to do with my abandonment of this story. I started writing To Protect Them All five years ago and the ideas and storylines I had then just seem a bit childish to me now. My writing has changed a lot since I've started writing fanfiction, most definitely for the better, and I even have a hard time rereading the revised version of To Protect Them All and the earlier chapters of The Girl Who Lived.

So, to soften the blow, I've decided to outline where The Girl Who Lived could have gone had it been completed. But first, a tiny bit of Chapter Six that I had written two years ago. Apologies in advance for the weird grammar.

* * *

She finished breaking the charms on the building faster than she would've liked. Lily opened the door and ushered James in without a word, lighting a few candles with a flick of her wand.

The room had not changed, not that she expected it would, but something seemed…different. Maybe it was because she had never brought anyone in here before. She scrutinized the room with new eyes, taking in the peeling paint of the walls, the broken floorboards, and to her horror, the blood stains on and near the chest next to the door. Lily opened it quickly, and pulled out a few extra knives, some bandages and painkillers. She didn't dare look at James and instead let her long hair fall down into her face to cover her eyes. She stuffed the lot into her bag, hands shaking slightly.

"There's more upstairs," she muttered, struggling to keep her voice calm.

She took the stairs three at a time, trying to convince herself that she was hurrying because Dumbledore wanted them back before dark and not because she wanted to get the bloody fuck _out_ of here.

She had told herself, long ago, that she wasn't going to be ashamed about the way she lived. There was no reason she should be ashamed.

There didn't have to be a reason. It was there all the same.

There wasn't really that much stuff left upstairs. She didn't have much and she brought most of it to Hogwarts.

* * *

I actually don't remember where I was going with this. I think it was going to have ended up with James reassuring Lily that there was no reason to be ashamed of her past, but now that seems a tad condescending. Anyway, the rest of this chapter was probably going to be a meeting of the Order of the Phoenix, where Dumbledore explained Lily's status to the rest of the group. It was going to be really, really awkward because everyone was pretty afraid of Lily, except for the Marauders (minus Peter) and it was going to leave a bad taste in everyone's mouth. Except possibly Dumbledore's, because he's just epic like that.

Anyway the next few chapters were going to cover the start of the war. Before now, there were certainly Death Eater attacks, but it would become an actual war in the next few chapters, with all the people in the Wizarding World forced to take sides and the government in complete upheaval. (And if you're wondering, in this AU, Voldemort is helped by his followers and recovers at a much quicker rate instead of fucking off to Albania.)

Hogwarts ends up being closed down and used as a base for the Order of the Phoenix and the rest of the Wizarding World who aren't prejudiced scumbags after the Ministry of Magic falls, which would probably have happened after a couple months.

Anyway, Lily would have ended up being more directly involved in the war effort instead of going after the Horcruxes. Instead, the Marauders plus Snape would end up going on all sorts of crazy adventures to find and destroy them, which as you can imagine was incredibly awkward at first, but I would like to think that by the end of it all they would at least grudgingly respect each other.

At some point during the Horcrux hunt, James and Lily would meet up again, probably after surviving what was an extremely dangerous situation and say "Fuck it, life's too short to be hesitant," and get together. Their relationship would be kind of strange and unsteady because they're in the middle of a war and don't see each other all that often. Also, Lily has major intimacy issues. But eventually they would become really close (and, er, you know, have sex.) I also had a couple scenes planned out where James has been imprisoned on Azkaban and Lily completely disregards Dumbledore's and everyone else's orders to go and rescue him.

Also, at some point, the whole part of how she survived the Killing Curse would have come up. In the first draft of To Protect Them All, I'm embarrassed to say that there was no other reason than the fact that she was thinking about James. Quickly that become really, _really_ stupid to me and in the revised version I added in the character of Professor Marchbanks, who sacrifices her life for her students.

After about a year and a half of war, the Horcruxes (which would be different objects) would finally be destroyed, Lily would finally face Voldemort, and possibly getting married to James the night before, just in case. Lily would defeat Voldemort, of course and then there would be an epilogue about she and James having a baby boy named Harry. James would be a Quidditch player and I think Lily wouldn't have been an actual Auror, but she probably would consult for them or teach trainees. Blah, blah, blah, happy ending.

Now for specific character development/arcs.

**Lily**: Obviously a major theme of this story would be Lily dealing with her intimacy issues and her past actions as, well, a murderer. This is actually one of the reasons I ended up not continuing this story, mostly because I didn't believe I could do them justice.

Also, dealing with Petunia would probably be necessary for closure and I don't really remember where I was going with that. Probably I was going to have some sort of confrontation where Lily would end up telling Petunia what a horrible person she was and then never seeing her again.

Her relationship with James would have also took a great deal of time, mostly because she's always been afraid of getting close to people, even friends, and having a boyfriend would only be more complicated.

Her hatred of Voldemort would have also been explored, because she doesn't hate him just because he's, you know, an evil genocidal maniac, but also because she sees him as an alternate self, like her own dark side. Which is a bit ridiculous if you think about it, but that's what he represented to her, even far before she ever met him, and eventually realizing the absurdity of this idea is also a major part of her development dealing with her past.

And finally, her status in the Order of the Phoenix and in the war would cause her to completely changed the way she interacts with people. Lily basically grew up avoiding all contact with other people, but the war would force her to become more comfortable with dealing with others and their problems and eventually she would become a leader.

**James**: Most of James' arc also has to do with Lily's. But the other parts would be the stress on finding himself on the run, often in bad conditions, trying to find random highly protected stuff that could be Horcruxes while trying not to get killed.

Also, working with Snape, and coming to terms with the fact that he was horrible to him while they were in school together would be a major part of his development as a mature character.

Then, finally, his interactions with his parents and others around him would be important. James' parents would eventually move out of the country for the duration of the war and desperately want James to come with them. They do _not_ approve of Lily in the slightest, and besides the other Marauders, no one else is really comfortable with their relationship either. No one really says this to Lily, but they'll say it to him and he would have had to constantly tell people to mind their own business.

**Peter**: I actually wasn't going to have Peter go evil. He was going to have ended up missing all those meetings in the first few chapters because Death Eaters were threatening his family, but ultimately he would have made the right choice to not betray his friends.

**Remus**: ...you know, I really love Remus, but I honestly had nothing.

**Sirius**: Like James, he would have to deal with the consequences of his actions toward Snape. Also, there might be some angst of having to potentially kill members of his family.

**Snape**: Snape initially was supposed to be spy with little relevance to the story, but then I decided it would be more interesting to have him forced to work with the Marauders, most likely after getting outed as a spy and just escaping with his life.

**Dumbledore**: I don't think I was actually planning on killing off Dumbledore. I might have incapacitated him for the end part of the war, but he and Lily would not have had the same relationship that Harry and Dumbledore had in canon, so it didn't really make any sense for me to kill him off in this AU.

Anyway, I hope this cursory outline helped a tiny bit. I'm really sorry that I didn't end up finishing this story, even though I promised, and I hope you understand that I really just didn't have any other options. Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed, and I'm very sorry to let you guys down.


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